Shifting Sand

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledges Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” -DC Talk

I had my chance…and I miserably failed. I thought I was that time, the defender of faith, the knight of the cross. I carried on my hand a double edge sword of truth ready to pierce that unrepentant heart.

Have you ever had a chance of meeting a self proclaimed atheist? They are ordinary people much the same with people who called themselves Christians. But once you get to hear that they are atheists, your curiosity arises. Your mind wonders on how they arrived in that belief. Have they been in a traumatic life experience that they have denied what most people believe. Your mind goes further and asks to whom do they call for help when everyone else has failed to aid them.

My heart tells me to pity them and my mind tells me to enlighten them. And so I looked at my bag of thoughts who Jesus is? What He has done? and what made me believe Him and to trust my everything to Him. In that split moment I mustered my courage and started to talk. I asked her “If you do not believe in God, then what do u believe in?” You can notice the sudden change on her face. Annoyed perhaps by my sudden excitement to question her belief. She just replied with a poker face and said “I just don’t care.”

What started to be a simple talk became a heated discussion. My initial feeling of pity was change to irritation. What my mind decided in the beginning on how to enlighten her was transformed to a desire to break her will. The argument has attracted some audience and it caused my will to defend my pride no matter what.

The battle ended in a stalemate. I kept my composure as much as I can but deep inside I was shaken to my core. My vicious pride emerged and undoubtedly people have seen it. I just made a fool of myself. I made a fool of my God.

My faith is like a shifting sand. My lips talks about Him but my lifestyle says otherwise. I talked about something I do not understand, that I thought I strongly believe in. If only, if only Christians today consistently stand on what they believe, what He has done and what He is asking us to do; to carry the cross He has laid before us as we walk together with Him.

With great humility, I made a decision. I shall carry that cross. I shall embark on a journey to find out what makes the difference in living in faith without giving up and giving in to the lust of this world. I know I may stumble and fall and sometimes I may make a fool of myself but I know He will remain faithful.

It was his Love that touched me. It was his selfless act of sacrifice. He gave his life so I may live. He was bruised because of my transgressions. He was wounded so I may be healed. What he did on the cross on that road to via delarosa should define my life.

Eternal Love is his greatest weapon. Its the magnet that attracts people towards him. Oh shame on me for proving to the world that I am not your follower. Forgive me my Lord. Help me change my ways. Teach me to be a vessel of your Love and a channel of your truth.

I do not fear anymore. I hate what I am today for this reason Im not afraid to trust You and be changed into something better than what I am now.

To the girl whom I have hurt because of my foolishness I ask for forgiveness.

May we all find the eternal truth about this life. Be at peace with yourself and with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.