Almond Tree

“God seems to know exactly what you need and when you need it.”

It was an ordinary sleepless night. I found myself being drawn to a familiar place where I usually find comfort. When your body is used to do the things you always do, you lose the ability to think for your body and allows it to think for yourself. My heart and mind are in a chaotic disorder. My mind is telling me to be strong while my heart has already given up. Or perhaps, its the other way around. I am not sure anymore.

I am bothered by so many things. Things that I am not and things that I will never be. Ha! The irony of it. I usually compare myself to others that is why I have grown vain and bitter inside myself. Also I have this insane weakness in keeping my list full of the things that I will never gain even if I sacrifice everything I have. It just would not fit, maybe because it is not right. I tried to deviate from what I am and embrace a reality that I have played on my mind over and over again. But my spirit wont let me.

I was never like this as far as I can remember. I had a young spirit full of vigor and hope. I looked at my endeavors just like hills waiting to be conquered. But today, the hills become a never ending climb. I wonder what made me changed this way. Have I lost something so valuable and settled for rubbish? Why have I not noticed it sooner so I could have prevented it.

I have amount to nothing. The great days of my life are way far beyond my reach now. I have been so accustomed to failures and defeat that I can easily predict what will happen for the next few days of my life.

And then what seemed to be an ordinary acquaintance, proved to be something more. It was an old friend who saw me. He knows me well enough, the things that will make me tick. He bragged about his character in an online game while he moved his mouse with his right hand. Out of curiosity or perhaps just being civil I willingly gave my attention to what he wanted me to see. I was so good at these kind of games that it did not even catch my interest. “Nah, the graphics is way to low compared to my preference.” I just said in a monotone voice.

As I about to leave, he gently prodded his friend’s shoulder, looked at me and said, “hey I want you to meet my friend, Almond.” It was then I saw him. There was no sense of malice in his smile as he looked at me. There was something on this man that is different, that I just cant shake out of my mind.

I am the last person who believes in the meaning of friendship. That is why I made it on my own for the last years of my struggle with this so called Life. What you gain is not worth by what u might lose. I was a man full of pride. But it was his kindness that will electrify you. It was his innocence that will make you wonder what is really going on with his mind.

I am afraid to be judged. I am afraid to trust. I am afraid of being vulnerable, for I am a one-man island, and so goes on my long list of fears. But when I am with this person I know smile is my constant companion. Joy and laughter fill my lungs, as if I am back with my younger years. The difference is, now I have a friend.

Perhaps in my time of loneliness and agony I whispered to God that I needed a friend, but I do not remember since I cannot recall the last time I talked to Him. When people get depress the One person they turn to is God. But it is different how I handle my problems. When I sink to negativity and fears I run away from Him. Yet it was His steadfast Love that never abandoned me. Can I run and hide from Your eyes? If I say to You “Do not touch me,” can I prevent your healing hands to mend my broken heart. With Your magnificent wisdom, You can use even the wonders of your creation to uplift my weary soul. And that You, O Lord, has heard the cry of my heart and knows exactly what I needed…a friend.

For the longest time we were together we had our share of fun. But he was battered by problems and trials that will prove to be tough for him to handle alone. His relationship with his girlfriend has been in a rocky road for bit sometime and his studies suffered greatly.

What can I do? I see the direction his path leads him to. I can see my failures being relived again by him. I was burdened by his grief and confusion. I made a heart felt cry to the Lord that I will protect and help this person with my strength. Yes my strength, though it has been so long since I get to use that word but I am sure that it is the right thing to do.

I needed to change, to be better than what I am now if I wanted to help my friend. I am giving everything I can, it is a selfless act of compassion for a person who suffers. I wont let him be like me. I have recognized his great potentials and that seeing him sink in the mire clay of failure is unacceptable.

After the storm in his life has subsided, we owe it to God that we were able to see better days now. We have learned our lesson that everything should be in proper moderation. Now we walk towards fulfilling our dreams and discovering the purpose of this friendship that was planned by God.

What is funny and sad is for people to mark us as homos. It is easy for people to criticize what they do not understand. But as God as our witness, this friendship is sacred and I know it will be continually tested by time to bring the best out of it.

To the people who are afraid to trust and to share their lives because you cannot get over with your insecurities. Trust upon the Lord. He made you and He has a purpose in your Life. He wants you to be happy more than you will ever know. Look far to the distant road and you may see your friend prepared by God to help you with your life and like a tree should be nurtured and supported. As for me what do I see? I see an Almond tree.